Thursday, September 23, 2010

Centre for Teaching Effectivity Issues Health Warning on New Teaching Methods

The Free University’s main teaching research unit has issued a strongly-worded warning on new teaching methodologies that appear to have unintended side-effects. In at least two cases lecturing staff have been hospitalised while utilizing the methods.

Prof. Ima Aarçe, Director of the Centre for Teaching Effectivity warned “only those who are fully qualified, who have undergone special training, should use the Blended Learner Teacher method. These are powerful tools and in untrained hands can have serious side-effects.”

The BLT method uses advanced teaching methods such as conceptual blending, cognitive meshing and partial pedagogic inversion.  The controversial method often involves confusing cause and effect, competence and confidence, objectivity and subjectivity.

Recent studies carried out by the Centre have shown that the method can lead to instabilities in both lecturers and students. The severity of the side-effects can be linked to the level of the teaching material.  Common side-effects include:

Level 7 – mild irritability, irrationality,
Level 8 – uncontrollable laughter, prone to do circus tricks,
Level 9 – severe irrationality, loss of long-term memory,
Level 10 – ecstatic visions, near-life experiences.

In one recent incident two lecturers got their teaching styles meshed and required painful surgery to be separated.  In another, it was alleged that a lecturer and a student had become enmeshed through rapid pedagogical interactions.  An investigation by the Dean of Malfeasance concluded that there was no evidence for this rumour.

In a better documented case, Prof. Watt A. Sap underwent a full pedagogic inversion and became convinced he was a primary school student.  Prof. Sap is currently on sick leave until he makes his Second Holy Communion.

Despite calls from some quarters, the Free University is reluctant to ban the method, as it has also been shown to result in increased grades.  The Dean of Academic Standrads has made it clear that any attempt to ban BLT would be to the detriment of the University.  “We are where we are, and if we weren’t, we’d be somewhere else where we’d be”.

The Professors’ United Federated Fellowship (PUFF) has been cautious in accepting the BLT method.  “As far as teaching and learning goes, it is the only game in town,” said Prof. R. Bitrary,” and we accept it only under protest”.

The Free University's Minister for Financial Undersight has welcomed the Centre’s announcement. "This is exactly the kind of flexibility envisaged under the Croak Park Agreement", said Sargent Major Dennis Bloodnok.

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